I hadn’t planned it. I mean the hibernation (from blog) the past couple of months. All these days, I have – in my head – written dozens of stories, experiences and reflections that I would have wanted to share with you all here. But, when it came to actually writing down the articles, either time eluded me or motivation.
There I go. I said it. Motivation!
I’ve always had a consistent relationship with that word. It’s something that, I’ve believed, flows through my veins – like blood. Yes, I’ve counted that ‘M’ word (I call it ‘M’globin) as part of my lymphatic system – it more than makes up for the low haemoglobin count I’ve had since childhood. (okay, so that makes me anemic in the medical parlance but it hasn’t left me with low energy levels thanks to the ‘M’ cells.)
Then, whatever happened in the past couple of months? Was it lack of time? Or, hey, did my ‘M’globin actually run dry? Honestly, I myself don’t have a clear answer. I confess, as I’m writing this, I’m reflecting and talking aloud. And, I need your help to sort this out and understand.
To an extent, I can say, it was the lack of focused time that deterred me from writing. Although, in retrospect, I think I could have still written – even in the middle of chaos; even in bits and pieces – like I have done so often. You know what – I’ve done most of my writing on the dining table, which sits in the corner of our living room – the noisiest part of our home.
So, what am I saying? Who am I fooling? Myself?
Or, was I fooling myself then when I did all that writing on the dinner table – in the middle of noise and chaos? Was that against my grain? Was my writer’s heart wanting solitude and quiet to be able to write in its natural state?
And then – the Winters. This season seems to have a profound effect on my mind and heart. When people in India talk about Delhi’s winter and refer to it famously as “Dilli ki Sardi“, they do mean the intensity of the cold, but for me winters take on a reflective and nostalgic mood. The long, cold months seem to demand of me brooding, internalizing and philosophizing. It also sets my mind up for questioning – LOT of questioning – the way I’ve lived, am living and the journey ahead. All this may pave the way for some much-needed mental detox…
There’re some remarkable words, by Andrew Wyeth, about winters that I have felt myself. He says:
“I do an awful lot of thinking and dreaming about things in the past and the future – the timelessness of the rocks and the hills – all the people who have existed there. I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.”
I spent much of my time away from social media. Pari and I did lot of free-flow writing together; we made water-colour paintings; some more story stones; we cooked many a new dishes together; spent every single evening listening to music from across era and genre. And yes – I facilitated my writer’s workshop with a group of children – the 5 Senses Writer’s Workshop about which I wrote a week or so back. It was a one-of-its-kind experience for me. I think, the children enjoyed as much.
About the questioning and reflecting I talked about in a paragraph above: in the middle of all the churning that goes on in the deep reservoirs of mind and soul, penning down those thoughts seems like a tough, tough job. And yet, I have a number of diary entries in the form of thoughts and poetry that I’ve scribbled in the past couple of months. But, blog articles seemed like a task at that time. Especially when something as horrifying as the Sandy Hook shooting and the Delhi gang rape happens before and after Christmas.
Those two incidents stirred up my being in a drastic way. The gang rape of the 22-year old girl that took place in my own city left me in a state of mental immobility for days on end. My blood boiled with rage and angst over how one human being could do something as gruesome with another fellow human. I and my family participated in the protest march at Jantar Mantar. We didn’t take part in any New year celebrations. Instead, on the evening of 31st December, our family gathered to just connect with each other over soulful music and songs that really spoke to our hearts.
Sharing some old Hindi songs that never fail to move me.
- Zindagi Pyar Ka Geet Hai, Ise Har Dil Ko Gana Padega… (Life is a song of love every heart must sing…)
- Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koi Shikwa to Nahin, Tere Bina Zindagi Bhi Lekin, Zindagi To Nahin (Without You I have no Complaints Against Life; but Without You Life is not Really Life..)
- Tu Is Tarah Se Meri Zindagi Main Shaamil Hai, Jahan Bhi Jaoon Ye Lagta Hai Teri Mehfil Hai (You are a part and parcel of my life in a way that no matter where I go I feel I’m a part of Your Gathering)
- Jeevan se bhari teri aankhen, majboor karen jeene ke liye… (Your eyes – so full of life – prod me to live on…)
Music, whoa – how it sets us into a reflective mood is beyond me! AND, how it leads to dozens of learning connections is a whole new experience. I’ll share my learnings and understanding on this in another post.
Talking about winters, it’s still cold here. But, it won’t be any longer for us. For we’re traveling down south of India. It’s going to be a month-long trip across many cities and towns and country-side. We’ll be in Goa, Karnataka and then Maharashtra. The last phase of our trip, which is in Khandala, is for a special reason – the first ever – India Homeschooling Conference. I’m so looking forward to it for the chance to meet a number of homeschooling and unschooling families across India. The opportunity to be part of a community is precious – I’ve come to appreciate and cherish this.
The hibernation is over and I’m slowly but surely regaining my motivation to write and share and connect with you all.
Over the next one month, I want to share our journey with you through pictures and stories of learning by traveling – of meeting and interacting with new people; learning about new customs and traditions; eating a variety of food; attending weddings and festivals, walking across fields and forests and playing new games.
I’m sorry my dear friends for being irregular over here. I’ll strive my best not to disappoint you guys again.
So, here’s to fresh beginnings, rekindled motivations, renewed journey. (My next post will be from either Goa or Sagara in Karnataka.)
As I share my mind and heart with you here, I feel like knowing – what has been YOUR relationship with motivation? Are there any specific times or seasons that affect it or boost it? Are there people or factors or your own ways (of living and being) – that are making you reflect on your life, right now?
Love and light,